


Breathe With Me

by Magpie_Moon



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (It's not as angsty as it sounds I promise), (Julie is only mentioned), (So are Alex's parents), (in the past though), Bad Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Ghosts being cute, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29287200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magpie_Moon/pseuds/Magpie_Moon
Summary: Alex goes to visit his parents to bring himself some closure but finds it hard seeing them again (even if they can't see him), remembering how they treated him before he died. Luckily, Willie is there to provide some much needed support and Alex realises just how lucky he is.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	Breathe With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I’ve come to realise I’m much like Luke in that I live and breathe music so it appears that in every story I write, I can’t NOT put in musical metaphors. Life is its own music okay I can’t help myself.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story! And side-note, anything in brackets is supposed to be Alex thinking/talking to himself, just in case that wasn’t made clear ^-^

Heavy footfalls going unnoticed by the Lifers around him, Alex made his way around the twists and turns of unfamiliar streets. Realistically he knew he could just poof anywhere he wanted to now but walking was more grounding; Made him feel almost alive again.

And it gave him time to think… time to stall.

See, he was currently on his way to his parents’ new house. Julie did some digging to find out what had happened to them and had offered up their new address with a grin, unaware of Alex’s inner turmoil as she did so, even if he had been the one to ask her to find them in the first place.

He didn’t want to see them. Not really. But he knew doing so would offer him the closure he _needed_ to move on.

Not in the ghost sense! He was **not** interested in finding out what happens after ghost-hood (ghost-hood? Really Alex _that’s_ what you’re choosing to call this? Okay) thank you very much.

‘Moving on,’ to him, just meant… accepting this new chapter in his life (death).

Playing in the band without Bobby, _with_ Julie, and all the other changes he’s had to accept recently. He was **not** good at handling change. But doing this today was going to be good for him, he just knew it.

Willie had offered to come with him of course, and Alex allowed a small smile to play onto his lips at the thought, but he had wanted to do this alone.

He told Willie the address anyway, the other ghost giving him directions because of course he knew where it was. There wasn’t a place Willie _hadn’t_ skated at this point, and Alex was pretty thankful for it right now. He’s sure he would’ve been lost a couple streets back without his boyfriend’s help.

**Boyfriend.**

He still couldn’t get over that.

He’s come so far from the scared 15-year-old, wondering if he was broken. If his feelings, his _love_ was a sin. He knows now that isn’t true. Love is a strength, not a weakness – in **whatever** form that love takes.

And on that note, Alex arrives at his destination.

He almost reaches a hand up to knock on the door before catching himself and letting out a small, nervous chuckle at his mistake. Taking a shaky breath in, he walks through the door and into a large hallway.

Silence.

The entrance hall is quiet and picture perfect, not a hair out of place. It’s fairly plain, all muted colours and void of any decoration baring the family photos hung on the walls.

Family photos of everyone but him.

Even after death, his parents couldn’t bring themselves to acknowledge his existence.

He feels himself begin to shake as he walks down the hallway looming before him, appearing to get longer with each step instead of shorter. Almost at the living room, he pushes forward, determined to see them just one last time.

He spots his mother first, sitting on the pristine sofa embroidering something he can’t see from this angle. Then there’s his father, slouched over the latest newspaper with a cup of strong, black coffee in hand.

It’s just all so **domestic** , and paired with the lack of reaction to his presence, he’s taken back to that fateful day. He just had to open his stupid mouth didn’t he.

_He could see the disappointment in her eyes immediately – as if he was a small child caught doing the one thing they were told not to. He knew right then that he had made a mistake._

_“No.”_

_He was pulled from his mother’s gaze by a cold voice to her left and he felt himself freeze at the simple word._

_No._

_As if it were that easy to stop. As if he had a choice who he did and did not love. As if he could simply tell himself ‘no’ and everything would go back to the way it had been._

_Not a chance of that now._

He remembers the disgust on his father’s face as he met his eyes. The slurs he used, ranting about how they would _“Never tolerate that kind of behaviour. Not in this house.”_

_“Sinful.” “_

_Disgusting.”_

_**“No son of ours.”** _

And he remembers the cold metal of his father’s ring, stinging his face as the slap cut through his already sharp words.

They ignored him after that day.

Went about their lives as if he no longer existed to them.

As if he stopped being a part of their world as soon as he decided to be something other than the picture perfect son they had raised him to be. But standing here now brings all his bottled-up feelings right back to the surface.

He was a ghost to them long before he died.

Alex is so lost in his memories he doesn’t realise his shallow breathing till it’s too late.

And though breathing isn’t strictly necessary for him now, his brain is not rational enough to realise it and he begins to spiral, hardwired to panic.

He collapses in a heap of shaking limbs as tears flow freely down his face; the taste of salt on his lips and a shrill ringing in his ears the only things he feels. Them and the sensation of his heart beating out of his chest and _how is that even **possible?!** He’s made of air! _

No longer aware of his surroundings, he barely registers the tell-tale poof of another ghost’s arrival till he feels cool hands on his arms and a soothing voice by his ear - though he can’t make out the words. Reality feels far away, like he’s trapped in his memories, no matter how badly he wants to escape.

The words his parents said to him, the hatred in their eyes, they swirl around his mind like a tornado, destroying any rational thought or grasp of reality in an instant.

The cold, soft hands move Alex’s arms from where they’re wrapped around his head, as if shielding him from a blow that will never come. His hands are then pressed against an equally cold chest but it’s solid and it’s grounding and he feels it rise and fall like the rhythm to a gentle song.

He begins to match the breathing with his own without realising he’s doing so and slowly but surely, the shaking stops and his thoughts begin to clear.

At some point, he realises, they had stood up and he is now being led outside, the calming voice rambling about nothing in particular, creating a melody for the rhythm of their breathing and providing him with something to focus on.

When his brain registers it’s Willie Alex opens his mouth to speak, his face scrunched up with confusion.

“I came to check up on you.” Willie explains before Alex can even attempt a sentence with his brain still a little wired.

“I knew you wanted to do this alone but… I also knew this was gonna be a big moment for you Hotdog. Figured having a little outside support there if you needed it might make things easier. Less scary, ya know?” He adds with a shrug and a sheepish smile.

Alex feels his heart swell with pure love for the boy in front of him at those words. The knowledge that someone cares about him _that much_ even after seeing him at his worst is something he never could’ve imagined.

They’ve stopped walking and Willie looks down at where their hands are still connected before pulling him in closer, holding both hands between their chests.

The sun is setting and the street they’ve stopped in is blissfully quiet.

They start to sway with the gentle breeze and Alex feels himself calm completely, his muscles relaxing for the first time today as Willie hums a tune to fill the silence. Ever perceptive, he’s clearly noticed Alex’s thought spirals tend to happen less when he has something else to focus on.

It’s a sort of slowed down version of ‘Finally Free’ which is very appropriate for right now, Alex thinks. It was his coming out song after all (not that many people are aware of that fact for _obvious_ reasons.)

Willie knows of course, and him singing it in this moment feels like his way of telling Alex he’s alright now, with him. He really is finally free.

***

As the sun dips below the horizon, Alex leans forward till their foreheads are lightly pressed together and utters the words he’s been meaning to say for quite some time now.

_“I love you.”_

His whisper is met with a smile brighter than any star in the sky and eyes like dark pools, filled with a look so _tender_ Alex feels his breath catch. (In a **completely** welcome way this time. W o w.)

At the soft _“I love you too, Hotdog”_ that follows, Alex finds himself once again reflecting on how far he has come.

He will always be scarred by his past. But that’s okay.

Because now he knows he will **always** have people around him who will do whatever they can to ease his pain, and make the world a place he is so, so happy to be in.

And with that thought, he closes his eyes. His smile content and his breathing easy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not sure about this as I've never tried my hand at writing angst before. I know it's not half as sad as a lot of stories out there, especially with the ending, but I couldn't bring myself to put Alex through anymore hurt. I hope you enjoyed and if you have any ideas for future stories in this fandom let me know and I'll see what I can do!  
> Have a great day~


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